Just saying no

I said no to something. Today. Well, a few days ago, but seems there was a miscommunication so I had to do it again today, which was awkward. It's a writing-related something, which is why I'm blogging about it here. I just realised how hard it was to say I couldn't do it, because of that little voice at the back of my head saying "You must do everything, you've got to promote yourself, promote your book, can't say no, can't say no.

But.

But doing this thing would have been extremely stressful. Not because of the thing itself, but because of the timing. Due to events that have occurred and decisions that have been made since the possibility of this first came up. Things are not as they were a few months ago. And, given how unwell I have been, and how stress and being in public have exacerbated this, I finally made the decision to say no. No.

There is so much in my mental make-up that is trying to resist. So much guilt. Must do it, can't let anyone down. Must do it. It's writing! You'll love it.

No. I said no. I meant no. I had to do some tapping to get rid of the guilt. But this is good. It is good. Hard. But good.